We've watched Rudolph a couple times around our house already. It's a favorite and I've always loved little Hermie the Elf, saying that line. "You don't want to make toys??" "No. I want to be a dentist!" "A dentist?!?!"
But as much as I like Hermie, I've always been a little jealous of this absurd little fictional character...
About a year and a half ago, I shared with some friends that I had felt called to the ministry for a long time. I pursued it, slowly. I talked with people who work in ministry I trust. I looked at schooling options here in St Louis. I even looked at schools outside the state with online or weekend programs. I went to a couple Bible studies, and B and I led one in our home.
Most importantly, I prayed. I asked God to keep opening doors if this was what He wanted me to do, and to shut them if it wasn't. Every door since I started asking that has been slammed shut in my face.
So now what? Maybe I'm in a time of waiting. Maybe in a few years, doors will open and things will happen and I'll enter the ministry.
But a part of me wonders if this isn't a time of waiting. If I was wrong. And that worries me some. If I'm wrong, then am I going to work where I am for the rest of my career? It's not that I dislike my job, it's just that I don't see myself there in 10 years.
I'm a very goal oriented person. I want to get into a career and stay there, and I feel like that isn't happening. My grandpa worked for 42 years for MO Highway Department before retiring. My dad was in education for almost 30 years. I know that isn't the norm for a lot of people anymore. But still, I feel so... lost. Directionless. Without a purpose...
I know that this will probably be read by a no one but me but I had to get that out there... God, give me direction.
you're in my prayers, man.
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